Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Hamfisted Brass 'n' Steel

Shitty old HP laptop builtin mic, Fender Stratacoustic, open 'D', brass slide. Bit messy...

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Read this.

This guy makes so much sense it hurts. Warning: techy. Nothing to see here if you don't know what a DBA is. Mark Rendle's Blog

PS I used to work with him. He's an arrogant, self-satisfied cunt with the biggest heart in the world (although he'll deny it) but prodigiously intelligent. I might even forgive him one day for smoking Gerald, my doobie plant, while I was in Malta.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

A brief ditty on the Palace of Westminster

Knocked this up in half an hour or so - I was listening to the inimitable Tom Lehrer's "The Elements" song.
Needs the rough edges knocking off it but it's a start; more verses to be added if the muse takes me (ooh Matron!)

There's lobbying and bullying and thieving and there's avarice
There's haegemonies empire building little hitlers, cowardice
There's back-stabbing and dirty deeds and people filling dirty needs
and money changing hands behind the doors within the palace.

There's blockheads and there's dunderheads and absolute stupidity
There's fawning and there's toadying and out and out vapidity
There's members building empires and there's some with mansions in the shires
and some who make you gasp aloud with stagg'ring vacuosity

There's squabbling, fighting, name-calling and acts which bring opprobium
There's internecine plots which cause a modicum of odium
There's nose-pickers and lardy-arsed old poofs who'll try to make a pass
and orators who never can be dragged from off the podium

There's some who's progeny don't know by which sod they've been fathered
There's some who only want your cash so their nest can be feathered
And those who have no spinal nerve and salaries they don't deserve
and that's as much as I can do - I really can't be bothered

Monday, 29 March 2010

La Toynbee talks sense shocker

I rarely do political posts. There are others far more perceptive, perspicacious and downright *bothered* than I, and do it better than I could ever manage to. Possibly because I have a life and no anger management issues hence don't spend most of my working day venting my spleen all over the blogosphere (oh god did I just say "blogosphere"?).
I heard Polly Toynbee say something sensible this morning on R4. No really.
She said (something along the lines of) the Gordon Brown factor no longer being a millstone around the Labour Party's neck; because "the public already hate him and it's impossible to hate him any more than he is hated already. So it's no longer an issue in the runup to the election".
So anything else (DC being a tit, for instance) can only be a bonus.

Friday, 26 February 2010

Myth Busted!

...pretty rough stuff:

1. The Institute is concerned that, unless the disclosed e-mails are proved to be forgeries or adaptations, worrying implications arise for the integrity of scientific research in this field and for the credibility of the scientific method as practised in this context.
2. The CRU e-mails as published on the internet provide prima facie evidence of determined and co-ordinated refusals to comply with honourable scientific traditions and freedom of information law. The principle that scientists should be willing to expose their ideas and results to independent testing and replication by others, which requires the open exchange of data, procedures and materials, is vital. The lack of compliance has been confirmed by the findings of the Information Commissioner. This extends well beyond the CRU itself - most of the e-mails were exchanged with researchers in a number of other international institutions who are also involved in the formulation of the IPCC's conclusions on climate change.

6. There is also reason for concern at the intolerance to challenge displayed in the e-mails. This impedes the process of scientific 'self correction', which is vital to the integrity of the scientific process

...in the words of the great philosopher Jimmy Cricket, "and there's more".

A scientific consensus? I don't think so. The truth is coming out, slowly and painfully. The mythxxxxxscam is, in the words of the equally great philosophers Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, "busted".

Tuesday, 5 January 2010


Google autocomplete - errrr?

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Booze News


Choice quotes:
"For those drinking little - less than a shot of vodka a day for instance - the risk was reduced by 35%. And for those who drank anything from three shots to more than 11 shots each day, the risk worked out an average of 50% less."

I see no limit on the "more than 11....", which is nice.

The type of alcohol drunk did not seem to make a difference, but protection was greater for those drinking moderate to high amounts of varied drinks. "
So, go get steamed. Mix 'em, it's good for you. Lovely!

Shame the distaff side don't reap the benefits of a good bender, though:

"The same benefits were not seen in women"

Oh. But that's ok because:
"[they] suffer fewer heart problems than men to start with. Researchers speculated this difference could be down to the fact that women process alcohol differently, and that female hormones protect against the disease in younger age groups."
So, smug points +100 but hey, hormones or alcohol? Hmmm I know which I'd rather be saddled with...

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Thoughts on Women

If I knew the source of this list, I'd tell you. If you do, let me know and I'll attribute it.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.


You know that look women get in their eye when they want sex? Me neither.

Steve Martin

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henry Youngman

The only food that permanently destroys a woman's sex drive? Wedding cake.

Anon Jewish proverb

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.”

P.J. O’Rourke

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henry Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Oh the Iron(y)*

The missus went over to NornIron last week for a few days to cat-sit for a friend.
Having a troll around the rather lovely Banbridge, she spotted this sign in Tourist Information which I think probably means something different now from what it may have done back in the day...

* See what I did there?

Thursday, 1 October 2009

Stupid, stupid woman.


Harriet manages to publicise a website which I would imagine was only known about by the cognoscenti and now every curious schoolkid will be scanning voraciously for details of local slags.
Way to go you shrivelled up, joyless, hatchet-arsed, sanctimonious, abstemious old munter!

Wonder if she's been snooping on Jack's PC while he's been out?

PS local field reports seem to imply that my $LOCALE has a few active knocking shops; I'd be surprised if any punters would bother getting out of their cars having seen the dealers, dogshit, graffiti and decay infesting some of the back streets (and not a few of the main ones!)